Families Learning Self-Regulation, Together
By Anna Jennerjohn and Bryce Becker
Rockman et al Cooperative (REA) is excited to be partnering with Twin Cities Public Television (TPT) on a multiyear project funded by a Ready to Learn grant from the U.S. Department of Education. Skillsvilleᵀᴹ is a suite of media resources for young children that promotes executive function skills and self-regulation strategies and aims to build children’s awareness and excitement around a wide variety of careers. This blog post is part of a series on what we have learned from our recent pilot study of the Skillsvilleᵀᴹ curriculum in family education programs.
Some years ago, a parent named Greg Pembroke posted photos online of his toddler mid-tantrum with a caption explaining what led to the tears: “He had broken his bit of cheese in half.” He later collected similar photos from other parents and created a book entitled Reasons Why My Kid is Crying. Alongside a photo of a distraught (but safe) child, the book lists reasons why a caregiver might find their child crying:
- “I wouldn’t let him eat the pomegranate seed bath soap.”
- “Because we don’t own a rollercoaster.”
- “She asked to go to the playground and I said yes.”
- “Their favorite stuffed animal wouldn’t fit inside the LEGO container.”
As a parent of a toddler at the time, this book resonated with me. It was therapeutic to read about other kids’ tantrums — this was all normal! Yet as my child left toddlerhood and grew to preschool age, I became more interested in supporting his self-regulation strategies when he came upon a time in life that wasn’t what he hoped or expected.
Social media trends (and the books that they spur) come and go, but supporting children’s self-regulation is an enduring interest for families. The Skillsville Family Program, a new community engagement program from Twin Cities PBS, assists families as they help their children pause and choose a self-regulation strategy during moments of struggle, including strategies such as breathing, listening, counting, movement, quiet time, and self-affirmations.
Learning Self-Regulation Strategies as a Family
While many of these strategies are familiar to children and adults alike, accessing them in the moment can be a challenge. Additionally, adults don’t always know which techniques children have learned in school or other settings, and thus may not have the shared verbiage to cue children to use them.
Therein lies one of the superpowers of the Skillsville Family Program: Families attend the program together to learn about self-regulation strategies, along with other important content, and then practice it in a relaxed, playful way through games and abundant peer interaction.
In feedback on the program, families reported that self-regulation strategies were one of their significant takeaways from the Skillsville Family Program, with several reporting that their children were talking about or using self-regulation strategies more after program participation. As one caregiver shared, her children learned “how to feel their emotions more, and how to be able to calm themselves, and ask for help when they do feel those emotions.” Another caregiver reflected that they themselves gained more self-regulation strategies, too: “I took away the breathing part…the strategies are the ones that have helped me. ‘Let’s draw or move or something.’ It feels like those [strategies] are helpful especially when [the children] are frustrated.”
Breathing Strategy as a Family
When asked to elaborate on which strategies they found helpful, most families discussed the Breathing strategy. Caregivers reported seeing their children use the strategy, using it themselves, and implementing it as a whole family. Sometimes children were the ones to remind family members about the strategies:
I think he does use the breathing exercises when he gets frustrated. Or when his sister or mom get frustrated, he shows them what to do to calm their anxiety. – Caregiver
Sometimes I’ll remember we have to take a breath, but I’ll forget the different kinds of breaths we can do to make it more fun. We did a “get your bubble wand out” [breathing technique] in class. So we have been getting the [imaginary] bubble wand out, and I’m not really good at pretend play, so it’s a nice practice. –Caregiver
One Skillsville Family Program site provided tangible objects, like flowers and pinwheels, so families could have a physical tool to practice breathing techniques. Everyday objects like these that are used as teaching aids are called realia. The realia proved to be both a playful way to practice the breathing strategies and also a physical reminder of the self-regulation strategies at their disposal:
Every day we breathe. We have our flowers— they’re in the car. So when I pick them up from summer camp, we all take a moment because we’re all in the car. Before we go into camp and before I drop them off, we breathe. – Caregiver
I am able to remember that the first thing to focus is inhaling and exhaling. And it was really good practice for me because I started doing it in my daily life and I was like, “I got it.” I got it from [the facilitator], you know, blowing out, blowing and inhaling, on that flower, you know? And I even keep the flower on my counter. – Caregiver
Even though many children and adults have previously been taught to take deep breaths in moments of difficulty, learning some additional playful breathing techniques together allowed them to incorporate the strategies into their daily lives and to support each other to use them in moments of struggle. Realia helped children and adults alike remember to practice.
Silly Shakes as a Family
Another popular self-regulation strategy for families was the Silly Shakes, where children and caregivers are encouraged to move their bodies through silly dance moves. The following quotes illustrate the types of things that participants said about how and why to use the Silly Shakes strategy:
Sometimes when you feel mad, you can do a Silly Shake. So we shake your arms. So you shake your body to try to get yourself back and focused. – Child
The Silly Shakes, the dance just to get all your energy that’s cooped up or to get some more energy to just shake it off and get with the program, so you can have more focus and attention. – Caregiver
The Silly Shakes strategy in particular resonated with families because it works well as a movement break, allowing children to get their energy out and, conversely, allowing tired caregivers to boost their energy back up.
Situated Learning for Self-Regulation
As children grow out of the toddler years and on to the new opportunities and trials of childhood, it can be helpful to explicitly teach self-regulation strategies. Indeed, adults are still working on self-regulation strategies themselves. That is why learning playful strategies in a family program can help children and caregivers alike:
- They have common language to use around the strategies.
- They get to practice together in playful ways.
- They are situated in a community of families who are learning together.
As one caregiver shared:
I liked having the time and space available to practice regulating emotions during a calm and fun environment. That way when we encounter big emotions at home, we are prepared on how best to help Serena.* I also like that Skillsville became kind of a game we could do during those high emotion moments. Instead of just focusing on the negative emotion, we remembered to pause, just like a video game, and think differently about our situation. It very much diverted the situation into a puzzle to solve together instead of headbutting with each other. – Caregiver
When emotions get high for any family member, having shared self-regulation tools at the ready is instrumental. Whether it is a broken piece of cheese, a disagreement with a friend, running late for an important appointment, lost mittens, or misplaced keys, using self-regulation strategies can help families face any type of problem — together.
The contents of this program were developed under the Ready to Learn grant from the U.S. Department of Education (PR S295A200002) awarded to Twin Cities PBS. However, those contents do not necessarily represent the policy of the Department of Education, and you should not assume endorsement by the Federal Government.
To learn more about Rockman et al Cooperative, visit rockman.com.
To find out more about the Skillsville project, visit: https://skillsville.org.
*All names are pseudonyms.
